


In What I Cannot Fear

by Trialia



Category: NCIS
Genre: Episode: s05e18 Judgment Day (Part 1), Episode: s05e19 Judgment Day (Part 2), F/M, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-04-11
Updated: 2010-04-11
Packaged: 2017-10-08 21:28:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 286
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/79676
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Trialia/pseuds/Trialia
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p><i>I learn by going where I have to go.</i></p>
            </blockquote>





	In What I Cannot Fear

**Author's Note:**

> Beta-read by Susan (periwinkle27) and Waldo (thefannishwaldo) ♥  
> Title and summary both from Theodore Roethke's [The Waking](http://gawow.com/roethke/poems/104.html).

She didn't know how hard it would be to do this alone.

Gathering her nerve for what she knows is coming, well, that she can handle. She knows there's a good chance this hunt won't end well. She's accepted that. It has to be finished, over and done with in whatever way necessary. She's not going to let those bastards come back to haunt her and Gibbs if she can help it. She wants to keep him out of this. She won't see another friend die. This is her fight, and she wants to get it over: get them here, get rid of them, get out.

_Maybe._

She amends her last thought, silently staring through the slats on the worn-out blinds, waiting for Agent Franks to come back from the water fountain.

If she dies in the process... well, it would be a better death than the other way. She'd never planned on dying, but she'd rather go out like this than endure the slow decline she'll be forced to face otherwise. She's never been fond of drawing things out.

A blaze of fire. Not glory. She's not stupid; there's no glory in getting oneself killed, even for your country. She'll take them down with her if it's the last thing she does. No more people will be hurt in this. She's determined to make sure of that.

She's never been fond of goodbyes or tearful confessions, and she doesn't like admitting to regrets. She hasn't told Jethro she's sick. She doesn't want to see the look in his eyes; she isn't sure he would still want her if he knew.

If this turns out the way she's planned... none of that will matter.

She waits.

**Author's Note:**

> If you read, please leave feedback - this is my first ever NCIS story. Thanks!


End file.
